Rebellious Bird
by Mestizaa
Summary: Alexis witnesses something traumatizing and has to deal with the ramifications. Meanwhile, Beckett and Castle deal with whatever it is that's going on with their "non" relationship. Caskett.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Thank you HeatXWave10, for making me flesh out my paragraphs, for the motivation, the grammar checks, for not letting the characters turn OOC, and most importantly for keeping me on track.

**Spoilers:** I can't think of any outright spoilers, but little things will probably be mentioned in passing. This story is set sometime during the spring of Season 3, so anything until then is fair game.

**Disclaimer:** _Castle _and its character's aren't mine. I wouldn't have time to own it, seeing as how school is my life. Besides, I think it's in pretty good hands as it is.

* * *

**Rebellious Bird**

"L'amour est un oiseau rebelle

que nul ne peut apprivoiser…"

"Love is a rebellious bird

that nobody can tame..."

~ "Habanera" from Bizet's _Carmen_

_

* * *

_

1.

People have this impression of her that she does all her homework like two weeks before it's due, and that she starts studying for tests eons before they're assigned. But Alexis is just another seventeen year old girl whose mind sometimes falls a week behind, and so she didn't realize that her history paper was due tomorrow and not next week.

It doesn't help that her father has been out and about town for the past few days. He's been exhausted lately. A particularly brutal case has had him coming home at strange hours of the night and well, quite frankly, Alexis didn't have the heart to wake him before leaving for school.

She really didn't know when to expect him home tonight. He had called earlier to say that they had finally wrapped up the case and that he, Detective Beckett, and some of the other detectives were going to have a celebratory drink.

Alexis shakes her head in order to clear her thoughts. Thoughts unrelated to her paper were _not _allowed. She glances over to the clock on the right bottom corner of her computer screen. 1:34. Her word count was 1708. _Not bad._ _Only 292 words to go._ Her focus shifts back to her essay and her word count continued to climb. A while later, as she's typing up the conclusion, she hears the door open. She figures that it's her father finally home from a night of celebrating. Alexis quickly decides that as soon as she finished, she'll go and make sure that he wasn't too drunk from celebrating with all of his cop friends.

It was hard explaining his cop friends to her friends. And it was _really_ hard explaining just who Detective Beckett was. She used to say, "My dad's shadowing her for research for his next novel." At around the two year mark, she gave up trying to explain, and she began referring to Beckett as "a family friend."

Her father never shuts up about how tank, funny, or just plain awesome this woman was. Most of his stories were hilarious; she loved listening to them. But when it came to the more serious things, like when he got himself kidnapped by a serial killer, or when the entire city was at risk of a terrorist attack, Alexis began to wonder just how "extraordinary" Kate Beckett must be for him to keep going back.

Alexis, now finally done her essay, leans back in her chair and stretches her arms above her head.

_Victory!_

With that, she saves her work and shuts down her laptop. Since she hadn't heard her father come up to bed, she decides to check on him downstairs before going to bed. As she exits her room and descends the steps, noises from the kitchen prompt her to turn in that direction.

"Hey Dad!" she calls quietly. She tries to be mindful of her grandmother who had already turned in. "You alrigh-"

She immediately freezes as she sees what was happening in the kitchen.

Her father. A woman. Kitchen counter.

She barely has time to process the scene in front of her before the absolute horror sinks in and she is bolting back to the sanctuary of her room.

-o-o-

"You're so drunk," Beckett laughs as they stumble into his apartment.

"Am not! I'm totally in control."

She smirks at his insistence and heads toward the kitchen. "I'll get you a glass of water. It might sober you up a bit."

Next thing she knows, he's pinning her against the cold granite counter. She has no idea how to react.

"Castle," she manages, "Wha-"

He brings a finger to her lips. "I'm in control."

She absentmindedly darts her tongue out and licks her lips. She looks up at him and is surprised by the primal desire being reflected at her. She tries ignoring the fluttering in her stomach and briefly wonders if her eyes are giving her away. Her hands slide up to his chest so she'll be ready to push him.

She couldn't lose it. Not again.

"Castle-" The protest dies as he leans forward and closes the gap remaining between them. Her eyes close on their own accord and he kisses her gently. He pulls away, and when she doesn't react, he kisses her again.

She knows they should stop. She knows that this is a bad idea. She knows that she should push him away. But she doesn't really want to. When his tongue grazes her lip, her mind loses the little bit of control it still had over her body.

Their gentle kisses soon become frantic and she's trying desperately to get closer to him. Her fists bunch up the front of his shirt, pulling him closer just as he lifts her onto the counter. She wraps her legs around him, and she's suddenly wishing that she had worn a skirt instead of pants. She moans as his hand brushes across her breast. But when a moan escapes his lips, she immediately freezes.

She pulls away, horrified at what had just transpired. She slides off the counter and heads toward the cupboard across from her. She can feel his eyes boring into her, and she tries to shake the feeling it's causing within her. She takes a breath and distracts herself by grabbing a glass. With her back still toward him, she pours some water into it.

"I'm sorry, Castle," she finally breaks the silence. "I just… I can't. We agreed."

She hands him the glass. "Here's your water." Quickly and quietly, she makes her departure.

-o-o-

There are some things that can not be unseen. Her father macking with a random woman in the kitchen was one of those things. As much as Alexis liked to think that her dad was sexless-much like Sheldon off of _The Big Bang Theory_- and that she was the result of an immaculate conception, she knew that it wasn't the case. He had this philandering playboy persona which she found kind of disgusting, but she always knew that he didn't bring girls home-at least not when she was around. Romantically speaking, the last woman that she knew of was Gina. Other than her, the only woman to stay the night was Detective Beckett, and that was because her apartment was blown up by some psycho.

To top it all off, it's a Thursday. Why would he ever bring somebody home on a Thursday? Especially when he knew that his _daughter_ would be around. She must be really something if he's breaking his rules for her.

* * *

_From the journal of Richard Castle…_

_Woke up today with the worst headache imaginable. From my college days I should have remembered that drinking on a Thursday is a bad (very bad) idea. But it's not like I even drank __that__ much either. It was enough for Beckett, the ever responsible designated driver, to insist upon driving me home. It was also just enough to lower my inhibitions and do something completely stupid and idiotic, but it wasn't enough to forget. Had Alexis and Mother not been asleep by then, an extra layer of embarrassment would have been added to the situation. There's no need for them to ever know._

_I really don't know what was going through my alcohol induced mind. The last time we kissed, it ended up being really awkward for a good week. I doubt anyone else noticed. In groups, it was as if nothing had changed; we'd still build theory, I'd still pull her pigtails, bring her coffee, and the swordplay was always there. But whenever we were alone, whether it be at her desk, in her car, or even in the elevator, the tension was suffocating. I suppose neither one of us wanted to be the one to bring it up. Or maybe it wasn't brought up because of our previous agreement._

_Two days post-kiss, I tried bringing it up and failed miserably. The speech I had been practicing in my mind for the past twenty minutes abandoned me the second she shot that really scary glare in my direction. The one that said "you dare bring it up, and I'll make sure that Alexis remains an only child for the rest of her life."_

_It's been about a month since her breakup with Motorcycle Boy. Even longer since we've been dancing around each other._

_Am I crazy for wanting more? For expecting something to change? According to Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Kate and I keep crossing that line we drew so long ago, and history tells me that it will never be brought up again. But I can't help but hope that maybe this time it will amount to something._

_Maybe I am insane._

_I'll probably show up and the precinct mid-afternoon. All they'll be doing today is paperwork anyways. Today, my flu ridden mother is in more need of me. _

_- RC_

_

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_**A/N: **Please let me know what you think!_  
_


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Beckett doesn't understand what the hell is wrong with her. Concentrating on her copious amounts of paper work is a seemingly impossible task. Lately her mind seemed to be running places she didn't want it to go. She closes her eyes and tries to get her racing thoughts in order. It really shouldn't be bothering her that he hasn't shown up yet, but she can't decide if she's happy that she doesn't have to face him, or if she's disappointed because she won't see him.

_He still showed up last time._

Ryan and Esposito know that she is to be avoided. They had come to talk to her earlier and were only met with a glare.

"No coffee today?" Ryan had asked when he surveyed her desk.

She decided at that moment that she her dependence on coffee was bordering on pathetic. She shook her head fiercely.

"I'm quitting," she declared.

She's pretty sure that Esposito muttered something along the lines of, _"_Oh, dear Jesus. Run_." _

She's certain that her crabby mood is due to the lack of caffeine. It has absolutely nothing to do with the unoccupied chair next to her. Still, she finds herself checking her phone for the umpteenth time that morning. She tells herself that she was just making sure that it was on and that she didn't miss any important calls. Unlike the other times she checked it, this time it buzzes in her hand, declaring the arrival of a new text and she can't help but feel a bit better. The timestamp reads 10:42.

_Mother's got the flu. I'll be in later, promise._

The tiniest hint of a smile graces her features. He's still coming.

-o-o-

"Hey Gram. You doing okay?" Alexis says as she dumps her school bag on the floor. She surveys the scene in front of her. Martha is on the couch, buried underneath a pile of blankets, a bucket at her feet. She's clutching a box of tissues, and Alexis wonders if she needs it because she's sick, or because of the movie she's watching.

"I feel like my insides are going to come up any minute," Martha waves dramatically with her right hand. "Now shush… it's getting to the good part."

Alexis rolls her eyes and plops down beside her. _Thank God it's Friday, _she thinks as she watches Martha mouthing the words along with the movie. What amazes Alexis most about her grandmother is that even armed with a puke bucket, no makeup, and red, puffy eyes, she still manages to have a sort of elegance. Meanwhile, Alexis is sure that she looks like absolute crap. Her posture is awful, her pony tail is falling out, her tie is askew, and she's pretty sure she's wearing two different kinds of socks. The bags under her eyes aren't helping either.

Martha definitely noticed. "Oh dear, Alexis! You look awful!"

"Gee, thanks."

"I do hope I didn't infect you."

"I'm fine, Gram. Stop worrying."

At her grandmother's raised eyebrow she adds, "I just didn't sleep well."

"There's something you're not telling me."

Alexis thinks it over for a moment. She tried talking to Ashley about what she had witnessed, but she couldn't really explain why it was bothering her so much. His parents have been together for like twenty-some years or something, so he really didn't understand. He said that she was overreacting. The rational part of her mind wanted to agree with him.

"It's nothing," she finally says. "Really."

"Whatever you say, Kiddo," says Martha as she replays the movie.

It was an age-old tradition to watch _Titanic _whenever somebody was stricken with a virus. It might have started when she had the chicken pox when she was six, or maybe even earlier. Either way, she can distinctly remember her father's hands frantically covering her eyes from the sex scenes.

The credits are now rolling, and Alexis opens her mouth to ask her grandmother a question she's been mulling around. "Do you believe in love like that?"

"Sure I do."

"I mean, Dad's been married twice, and you're-" she pauses, "-well you. Does forever even exist?"

"Honey, there are different kinds of forever," Martha tells her. "You can be with somebody for years and years, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's a good relationship. Or you can have a few moments with somebody that will stay with you forever. The only thing that matters is if you're good together."

-o-o-

True to his word, Castle shows up at the precinct much later, with two strawberry frappuccinos in hand.

"Considering the abnormally hot spring we've been having," he says handing her the drink, "I figured you'd appreciate one of these."

She takes it and says her thanks. She tries to take no notice of the tingling sensation when her fingertips accidently brush his. He sits down in the chair he claimed years ago and Beckett expects him to start pestering her like he usually does. She takes a sip of the pink drink in her hands, expecting him to say something, anything. She's unsettled when he doesn't.

"Is Martha alright?" she finally breaks the silence.

"Better than she was," he answers. "This morning she became new BFFs with the toilet. Her stomach has settled though, and she's not running a fever or anything."

Beckett smiles. "I'm glad."

Castle pauses for a moment. "We need to talk."

Her smile vanishes. He had to go and say the four little words she dreads hearing the most. Whenever somebody says that, she knows that her life is going to be thrown on its axis. With Castle, things were finally going back to normal. Instead of the awkward silences, and tense conversations, they were finally back to joking around, back to being themselves, and she really can't lose that. Not again.

"No we don't," she replies tersely.

"What happened last night-"

"-was last night," she cuts him off. "Nothing to talk about."

"Kate-" he tries again only to have her cut him off again.

"I'm not a twinkie, Castle."

Before he can retort, Esposito shows up waving a file in the air. "Yo, Beckett. Can you take a look at this?"

"Yeah, sure. Put it here," she indicates a spot on her desk.

Esposito's eyes dart back and forth between the two. Beckett knows why they're drawing suspicions. They are both trying desperately to act normal. _Too normal_. "I'm sorry. Did I interrupt?" he asks.

"No!" they both exclaim in unison. He frowns in confusion and walks away.

As soon as he's out of earshot Castle tries again. "Look-"

"Castle, we're friends," she interrupts him yet again. "That's all we're ever going to be. I don't want to ruin what we have. Like you said, it would be a bad idea."

* * *

_From the journal of Richard Castle…_

_I am officially insane. Why did I think that she'd change her mind? Though this time I did manage to get something out of her. She just wants to stay friends. I suppose it's a step better than her kicking me out of her life. _

_She said that we were a bad idea, just like I had told her. It is true that I said that. But she's taking it completely out of context! When she kissed me the first time (excluding the undercover kiss), it'd been barely a few hours since Josh had walked out of her life. _

_She was a wreck and I gave her my shoulder to cry on and erase her pain, even as a tiny part of me was relieved that he was gone. I told her everything a good friend would have said. I rattled off every cliché I ever told Alexis or Mother. I told her that it was his loss, that she deserved somebody who would always be there for her. And maybe I was subconsciously hoping that she would realize that I've always been there, that I'll always be there for her. _

_And that's when she kissed me. It was the briefest of touches. So soft, so gentle. So quick. I wasn't quite sure that I had felt it right. She was going to lean in again, when I went flying ten feet back. I had thought about kissing her for such a long time, and the feelings that caused those thoughts seemed to have multiplied tenfold in the past year. I had to put some distance between us, otherwise I would have done something really stupid. I couldn't kiss her when she was in that state. I'm not her rebound._

_That's why I told her it was a bad idea. I didn't mean to infer that the idea of us was a bad idea. (No wonder she keeps pulling away.) _

_That was the first of our stolen kisses. Before any of them were able to into anything, something- a phone, a door slam, or even an alarm, always managed to interrupt. And if that failed, she ran._

_I feel like I'm at the point of no return. I've held back, I've tried playing by her rules, and it hasn't gotten me anywhere. I don't care if she just wants to be friends and "not ruin what we have." By not acting, we're already driving a wedge between us. I owe it to myself to at least try. I need to show her how good we'd be._

_In other news, Mother is recovering nicely from her bout with influenza and Alexis seems to be avoiding me. I'm hoping the latter is just my overactive imagination. _

_-RC_

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**A/N: **Just a heads up, I'm heading into exam season, so updates are probably going to be sporadic. (For a little bit at least.) But reviews may give me the boost I need ;) On a completely unrelated note, am I the only one who is super excited for Doctor Who this weekend?


End file.
